cygna_hime: (WWTKD?)
Worst. Test. Ever. Man, I thought I had this chem stuff down pretty okay, and then it was all explaining why things and questions from the depths of the things we didn't go over in class. Fuck. I hope there's a massive curve. Or that I guessed right more than I thought. I suck at explaining why science. That is for science people. I am here to punch buttons on my calculator. (WHY do they always assume that science for non-science people should have all the thinky and none of the math? I don't want to understand this stuff! I want to do problems!)

And I have a paper due Friday. 6-8 pages. Haven't started.

Fuck.

And it's raining drearily.

I need an imaginary hug.

*goes looking for cute fluffy updates*
cygna_hime: Xion is in ur fandom, queerin ur text (Xion Queering the Text)
I've been around, mostly. Reading the ol' flist. I've just been...I dunno. Burnt out? Lazy? Around other people all the time, thus getting all my talking done IRL?

I'm back up on campus for the summer, working at the Art library. It's good to work somewhere no one looks at you funny when you smell the books.

It is deathly hot. I love the Science Library. It is full of air conditioning and love.

I'm sucking at writing. Sucking. I need to fix that. I do.

I've also been spending the weekends playing egregious quantities of videogame. By which I mean, last week I went, "Strangely I have a craving for Triple Triad", and came back to myself, stunned and horrified, when the PS prompted me for Disc 2. An isolated occurrence, you say? But then it happened again this weekend with the next disc! I am a binge gamer. It's a problem.

Well, mostly because weekends contain no verbs to perform.

Other than write.

Fuck.

I am such a failure.
cygna_hime: (Default)
I'm beginning to find that real life is just not worth it. Which is probably why my sporking volume is away up. I need to get my real-writing volume up too, get some stuff written. Fanfic, original, whatever. Just get something done, find something to do other than have tizzies. I'm clearly not going to be sleeping tonight.

If anybody tells you going abroad is good for you and a fun experience, they are lying. They are lying through their teeth.
cygna_hime: (Default)
So I appear to be becoming a compulsive liar.

Only of course, being me, it's not for something like getting sympathy or free stuff out of people. No, I have to be the kind of compulsive liar who always says "It's okay" even when that's not actually true at all.

So a couple days ago the program people told me that they'd gotten a letter from my host family saying that there were problems, and they thought I should move somewhere else. And they've been setting up for me to go live in basically a dorm. And I nodded and said, "It's okay", because like hell I'm going to whine and complain and insist on staying somewhere I'm not wanted.

But then this evening Barbara comes to my room and says that she doesn't want me to think she was fed up anyway, she just told the program about money problems I've been having (*expletive deleted* bank card) and that, though the program seriously encourages her to do things with me, I'm not...a very do-things-with-y person, and she didn't want me to be going home in three months having been miserable and not told anyone. And she said that if I thought living in a dorm-oid-product would be better, that's great, but I did come to this decision with the program, right, so it should be okay? And I nodded and said, "It's okay", because...fuck if I know why.

Because no, I don't want to leave. And I wasn't unhappy. I'm unhappy now, because I'm getting kicked out! I like it here, and they're nice, and I like them, and I've been trying to de-shell-ify, because I don't want them to think I don't appreciate how nice they've been. But now I've said, "It's okay", because I didn't get the impression the program was presenting me with any kind of choice. So how do I go about explaining that no, it's not okay, I hate moving and by the way you totally misrepresented the situation to me?
cygna_hime: (Default)
I foolishly left my window unlatched yesterday. I came back from class to discover that I no longer have a laptop.

The word you are looking for is "fuck".

That said, I'm still going to be around, but contact will be somewhat sporadic as it depends entirely on lab computers. And the very slim chance that the police manage to find the guy who took my computer and get it back.

Something they never show in crime drama: the victim (if alive) or householder (if not) having to clean fingerprint powder off of everything. (Any cleaning fluid from Windex on up + paper towels, if you were curious, but wear plastic gloves.)

Pi day.

Mar. 14th, 2006 04:44 pm
cygna_hime: (Default)
Pie for lunch, pie after dinner, pie presumably for breakfast tomorrow. Yay.

No, I did not drop off the earth, or even the Internet. I've been here, just not writing much. There's nothing to say.

Some days I just want to scream. Some days I want to grab someone by the throat and claw their eyes out or hit them until they beg me to stop. Some days I just...don't get it. How can I go from humour to anger so fast?

I can't scream--oh, wait. I can. There's no one here.

That feels better.
cygna_hime: (Default)
To everyone in London today: I hope you're okay. I hope everyone you care about is okay. My thoughts are with you.

You know you spend too much time online when you get this kind of news from fellow RPers asking what to do about it.

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