cygna_hime | (no subject)

So I appear to be becoming a compulsive liar.

Only of course, being me, it's not for something like getting sympathy or free stuff out of people. No, I have to be the kind of compulsive liar who always says "It's okay" even when that's not actually true at all.

So a couple days ago the program people told me that they'd gotten a letter from my host family saying that there were problems, and they thought I should move somewhere else. And they've been setting up for me to go live in basically a dorm. And I nodded and said, "It's okay", because like hell I'm going to whine and complain and insist on staying somewhere I'm not wanted.

But then this evening Barbara comes to my room and says that she doesn't want me to think she was fed up anyway, she just told the program about money problems I've been having (*expletive deleted* bank card) and that, though the program seriously encourages her to do things with me, I'm not...a very do-things-with-y person, and she didn't want me to be going home in three months having been miserable and not told anyone. And she said that if I thought living in a dorm-oid-product would be better, that's great, but I did come to this decision with the program, right, so it should be okay? And I nodded and said, "It's okay", because...fuck if I know why.

Because no, I don't want to leave. And I wasn't unhappy. I'm unhappy now, because I'm getting kicked out! I like it here, and they're nice, and I like them, and I've been trying to de-shell-ify, because I don't want them to think I don't appreciate how nice they've been. But now I've said, "It's okay", because I didn't get the impression the program was presenting me with any kind of choice. So how do I go about explaining that no, it's not okay, I hate moving and by the way you totally misrepresented the situation to me?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I think simply telling them that it's NOT okay and asking if there's another choice would be a good start. And "why did you tell me X when what was really going on was y? Or is X really going on?" Basically putting the onus on THEM to explain themselves [the program and your host family]. If they get put out, you can claim "ugly American manners."

Sorry to hear things aren't going very smoothly.

But it sounds like they want you to stay too.

Start with, "it appears that there has been some miscommunication that needs to be cleared up." Don't put the program people on the defensive by asking them to explain themselves. Present the whole thing as a desire to make sure everyone is on the same page *before* any changes to your living arrangements are made.

If you plainly state that you like living with your hosts, and that your understanding is that your hosts do want you there, but were concerned that you didn't want to be there, then I think that the will let you stay put. Throw them a "now I understand something more about myself/look at how this experience is promoting personal growth" bone by explaining that you are not used to stating your needs if you think it might put someone else out. (True or not.)

Also, tell your hosts (if you haven't already) "I like it here, you are nice & I like you, and I appreciate how nice you've been." Say something about working on being "less shy".

I think this is a situation where all parties actually want what you want. For the program people, it's less paperwork. For your host, she doesn't have to feel that she failed you and/or that you didn't like her. (Plus, there must be some financial bonus to hosting.)